Asian Vampires Are the Most Vicious
by P.B. Fluff
Summary: Artina! Tartie! Whatever you call them it's my first fic for them, borne of my intense desire to have a scene in "Theatricality" where Artie and Tina try an awkward make-out session with their Gaga/Kiss outfits. Rated T for Artie's slightly pervy thoughts


Artina! Tartie! Whatever you call them it's my first fic for them, borne of my intense desire to have a scene during the "Theatricality" episode where Artie and Tina try an awkward make-out session with their Gaga/Kiss outfits. Takes place after Tina and Kurt's confrontation with the jocks. Even though it looked like midday in the show, for the sake of the fic I'm pretending that that was the end of the school day and most everybody's gone home by now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. God in heaven I wish I did though.

* * *

"The blue's a nice touch," Artie commented as she turned the corner to find him shoving a few books in his backpack.

Tina smiled ruefully, looking down at her blue sludge stained costume. "Not really my idea though."

He finished zipping up his backpack and slammed his locker shut and she hurried forward to help him attach it to the back of his chair. She knew he didn't need the help, and would tell anyone else so, but that it meant something that she let him. She wasn't sure what it meant really, but it was still a nice feeling.

He nodded in reply to her words, black, shaggy, greasy looking wig flopping absurdly around his face.

"I thought not," he said. "Grape slushie?"

"I think it was blue raspberry actually," she started to wheel him down the hall.

"Ah. Variety's nice."

"Yeah. The good news is my outfit today's plastic so there won't be any stains involved. I can probably just throw my whole self in the bathtub. Multitask."

He grinned sheepishly up at her, "If you need help in the tub –"

"Maybe later," she cut him off laughing.

"I'm just saying. If you needed someone to wash your back..." she was laughing again. "Proper hygiene is very important you know."

He turned his head back to see she was grinning the sideways grin he liked best. "Thanks, but I think I can manage."

"Ok," he relented, turning to face forward again, feigning innocence.

"Besides, I don't know if you'd be able to tell the difference between me or the real bubbles."

"All the more fun!" he insisted and she laughed again but the laughs were cut short, and he could tell she was still upset about something. He reached around to rest one of his hands on one of the ones she had on his chair.

"I hate this!" she hissed before he could ask what was wrong.

"Don't worry," he said. "That's only your first slushie of the week and it's already Thursday. Last year it would have been three by now, at least."

"No, I don't mean that. I mean, this, this whole costume thing. I mean, it was fun at first. I really liked the bubbles at first. But now... I just want my old clothes. I mean, I can't wear bubbles all the time."

"No but –"

She cut him off, "And I can't go naked either. I'm pretty sure that'd get me suspended even faster."

Even from her elevated view behind him she could see him pouting, silver lips puckering out and she knew underneath all the silver makeup he was making the puppy eyes.

"Party pooper," he muttered.

She laughed again and he smiled, satisfied he could cheer her up.

"Although, I dunno. I might be able to get away with that sooner than I could dressing like myself again. I swear principal Figgins totally believes in vampires."

"Alright then, this calls for an experiment!" he said, raising his hand and pointing his finger to the ceiling in declaration.

She laughed. "Maybe I'll try it later. Now I'm cold. I'll freeze if I strip now."

"You can borrow from me. My sweater's in my backpack," he said motioning.

"Yeah along with your khaki's and shoes," she said, digging through his things. "What the hell, Artie?"

"Did you see me in this stuff earlier today?" he said, motioning to his black Kiss gear and impossibly sparkly spaceman boots.

"Uh... no, come to think of it," she replied, tugging the blue cardigan over her shoulders. It was an odd fit over the bubbles. Buttoning it would be out of the question. Still, she appreciated the warmth it provided, and the gesture.

"Having study hall last period comes in handy. I just told Mr. Curry I had to go to the bathroom 20 minutes before the period was over. He never notices anything anyway."

She nodded, standing next to him now, he'd locked the wheels to allow her to rummage through his backpack. "Um, thanks," she told him, suddenly feeling shy.

He grinned. "You're welcome. And if I may the sweater accents the new blue hues the jocks added to your outfit."

She punched him playfully on the shoulder. "Ow! Abuse!" he accused.

"You guys were really good though you know."

"Thanks. So were you."

"I figured. I saw you dancing in the audience."

He laughed.

"But Finn kinda creeped me out."

"How so?"

"Well..."

"What?"

"You're gonna think I'm weird."

"I already do. But you know that's one of the reasons I like you so much," he said honestly.

She blushed. "Yeah. Well. I mean, he just kept sticking his tongue out."

Artie laughed. "Yeah, it's a Kiss thing. He meant to."

"Yeah well, I just, I dunno it was disturbing. I couldn't stop picturing him licking things, and then I was thinking about the kid in "A Christmas Story" who got his tongue stuck to the frozen poll and I remembered this crazy music video I saw when I was little when I used to watch MTV with my cousin and these people were like, licking toes or something... I dunno. It just disturbed me."

He laughed. "So is this disturbing?" he cocked his head and stuck his tongue out awkwardly, another too-shiny lock of wig hair flopping pointlessly across his face. She bit her lip and giggled. He looked ridiculous.

"No." she brushed the hair away and leaned down as his face fell a bit and he stopped sticking his tongue out.

"But," she said, kissing him, "I wouldn't mind a little more tongue from you."

He grinned as they kissed again, a hand of his reaching out to rest where it normally did on the small of her back, but he stopped, tentative at the bubbles.

"I feel like I'm going to pop you," he admitted and she laughed as he kissed her again, his tongue darting out to meet hers in obedience to her earlier request.

They continued for a few moments, quietly kissing, their breathing steadily growing more erratic as he settled on resting one of his hands on her arm, the other on her neck and she had a hand on his chair, making to straddle him and instantly his breathing went from erratic to barely existent. She'd only done this once before and she still seemed shy with it, and he, being teenaged, hormonal and far more gone for her than he'd been willing to admit until recently, couldn't deny the sexual imagery the act caused his brain to focus on.

Slowly kissing him now she made to pull a leg up. As she started to lose her balance, he instinctively reached out a hand to steady her, catching a handful of soft leg before she tumbled to the ground.

They both burst out into violent laughter, Tina rolling over on the ground in an attempt to try to pick herself up, one of her bubbles popping in the process with a sound akin to that of a balloon popping.

"Oh shit! Shit shit shit shit shit!" she spluttered in between laughs as she flailed for a few moments like a turtle on it's back.

"You lost one of your balls," he taunted and she didn't respond through her laughter as she picked herself up and again took a playful swipe at his arm.

Once the laughter died down Tina pursed her lips, now silver as she thought and said, "I knew I should have used the condoms instead. But they just didn't look right. When I wanted bigger bubbles they would've just looked like blown up condoms. Didn't really fancy dancing around in big rubber penises."

He laughed again to cover his choke, curious where she was getting so many condoms to make a dress out of.

"Oh man. Let's get out of here. The sooner I get home the sooner I can change. And get the slushie off me."

He rested his hand on hers again as she resumed pushing him down the empty hall and turned towards her to say, "You look nice. But you know, I miss the old you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Even though the goth thing was so two years ago?"

He winced. "Yeah. Again, sorry for being such an ass. I never should have tried to change anything about you. You're perfect the way you are. I'm sorry Principal Figgins is trying to force you to be something you're not."

She smiled a secret smile Artie had seen only when she'd been planning something. "Maybe not for long," she said.

"What do you mean?"

Her smile widened. "Well, I really think Principal Figgins believes in vampires."

He nodded looking forward again. "Right. But that's the problem."

"Not necessarily. If he's so afraid of vampires, who's he to go around telling them what to do?"

He laughed. "I like where your head is."

Fifteen minutes later they'd arrived at Artie's house, Tina wearing the biggest smile he'd seen on her all week as they finished talking over the finer details of her plan.

"Oooh! What if my dad were the king of vampires?" she said, taking off her wig as he scrubbed ferociously at the make-up on his face.

He looked up from the sink to see her in the mirror, his face still half silver. "Yeah! That's good. And tell him that Asian vampires are the most vicious."

"Why would they be the most vicious?" she asked, dabbing at one of her slushie stained bubbles with a wet paper towel.

Artie shrugged. "I dunno. It just sounds good."

Hours later as she fought hard not to laugh whilst cornering Principal Figgins, she had to admit that it did.

* * *

Reviews are awesome!


End file.
